Crush All Boxes!

tassled loafers; tousled hair; sealed lips
Originally uploaded by jonnybutter.

Although they might not particularly relate to the money-greed, Oliver North and John Poindexter would still love the sheer conceptual beauty of it. Former Tom DeLay aide/spokesman Michael Scanlon (pictured above) and his partner, lobbyist Jack Abramoff, in conjunction with the Fair-haired boy of the GOP, really did come up with one killer plan, and doesn't every red blooded American 'love it when a plan comes together'?

The Washington Post previously reported that Abramoff and Scanlon quietly worked with conservative religious activist Ralph Reed to help persuade the state of Texas to shut down the Tigua [El Paso] casino in 2002, then persuaded the tribe to pay the $4.2 million to try to get Congress to reopen it.

Wow. Light that cigar, boys.

But that's not all! Have we got a deal for you! Just $11 down and $11 dollars a month! That's right, you heard right: just $11 dollars down and $11 dollars a month! And if you don't have the $11 dollars.....we'll loan ya the $11 dollars:

Documents released yesterday show that when the Tiguas were out of money in 2003, Abramoff came up with a plan to provide term life insurance to tribal elders, who would make their beneficiary a Jewish school Abramoff founded in Wheaton. The school would pay Abramoff's lobbying fees at the firm of Greenberg Traurig, from which he was ousted earlier this year.

You see, Abramoff and Scanlon were all about helping these tribes help themselves:

The tribe also was asked to pay $50,000 for Ney [Rep. Robert W. Ney (R-Ohio)] and several others to accompany Abramoff on a golfing trip to St. Andrews, Scotland. According to testimony yesterday, however, two other tribes ultimately paid $50,000 each for that trip. Among those who accompanied Abramoff and Ney was Reed.

I'm thinking we need to establish a ''RoyCohn Memorial Hall of Fame' award. The first inductee would have to be Ralph Reed, who in recent years has moved away from the gospel music of his youth, turning instead to the earthy, sensual, secular soundscape of R&B and Soul.

Of course there are downsides to any job. These lobbyists and 'Public Relations Executives' did have to actually spend some of their precious time dealing with idiots and troglodytes:

When Scanlon complained [in an email] on March 5, 2003, about an Agua Caliente tribal member, Abramoff counseled: "I think the key thing to remember with all these clients is that they are annoying, but that the annoying losers are the only ones which have this kind of money and part with it so quickly."

Quid pro quo.